Skip to main content

Living in Squalor!

  I head downstairs, the overwhelming scent of mold permeates throughout the room. Garbage and wet clothes are scattered everywhere and makeshift hammocks adorn the ceiling. A dirty rabbit hutch reeks of urine and feces, and the rotting smell of dead mice or some other mysterious animal buried beneath the filthy ruble burns my nose. As the intense aroma penetrates my eyes, they begin to water incessantly, I don’t think I can handle this. With a trash bag in one hand and plugging my nose with the other, I proceed down into the dingy basement. I  begin wading through the plethora of items in my path, deciding what to keep and what to throw out, I’m disgusted at what I see, my mother would have never let it get like this.  I stand, staring at a massive pile of clothes laying on the damp floor by the washing machine. It feels like just yesterday my mother died and suddenly life went from living in splendor to living in squalor. For me, living in “splendor” didn’t mean living in some extrav

Behind Bars!

 

Barricaded Prisoner

After my attempted flight from the treacherous dungeon, I prepare for the berating that awaits for me at home. With extreme trepidation, I entered the vehicle, closing the door behind me. My heart sank as a sense of failure washed over me. I can only imagine what kind of security measures will be implemented, to ensure no incident like this ever happens again. It’s a dreadful thought that I may be trapped forever. 

Staring in the rear view mirror, I can see the betrayal on my fathers face. In his mind, he was the victim of my defamation. Certainly, the veracity of my story was in question, given my history of delinquency and defiance. I think the police believed my story was a mere baseless accusation in an attempt to gain attention, as this wasn’t their first encounter with me. My father locked eyes with mine, and I watched his lip curve slightly upward in a smiling fashion. My face turned red with fury as he smirked with pleasure at the humuliation of his own daughter. I was baffled by his actions, he knew he won and all I could do was sit there and silently ponder about what I did wrong. I was more than aware of the horrible mistake I had made. 

We are home now and I’m shaking, anxiously waiting for my punishment. The 20 minute drive home gave me time to prepare for my atonement. What I did was an utter abomination in his eyes, an embarrassment to our family, as if I could possibly cause us more humiliation than he already has. He showed his displeasure with my actions, but there was a deep sadness in his eyes, as if he was shocked by the prospect of me wanting to leave him. He sent my sisters upstairs and took me into the basement, I was left confused and scared as he put a record on. I quickly realized the necessity for music to be playing while he delivered my punishment. You see my punishment wasn’t the berating I was anticipating but a violent thrashing. First, he beat me, before throwing me to the ground and ripping my clothes off. Every moment thereafter was rough and painful. He was showing me just how consequential my actions can be, instilling so much fear within me that it would be impossible for me to be courageous enough to leave again. I felt such overwhelmingly deep despondency that in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to die. 

I went to bed that night and laid there suffering for hours, facing the agonizing reality that there was so no escaping this hell, I was destined to live this life forever. I couldn’t sleep so I ventured downstairs to get a glass of water. I was halted by the sight before me, chairs and various items barricaded every doorway, windows were nailed shut, and dead bolts adorned anything that gave way to the outside. I was locked inside, stuck behind bars in this hellacious prison. My siblings didn’t seem to notice the changes. Besides, the chairs and various items blocking the main door were removed by morning, I’m sure to avoid raising suspicion among them. For now, I was discouraged, but, in time I would muster up enough bravery to try again, only this time, I will be ready.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Foster Care

  When I was taken from my home in the middle of the day, I was panic-stricken. I was scared of what was going to happen next. I had so many questions and the uncertainty of my future frightened me. I spent a short stent with a nice family in the city. From what I can remember it was a young couple, and they had two children; a teenage boy and a toddler. They made every attempt to make me feel welcome and at home.  Coming from poverty and having such a distressing background, it was hard for me to acclimate. They effortlessly included me in everything like family gatherings, games and activities. On the outside I appeared to fit in well. It was easy for me to force a smile. I was good at playing pretend and acting as if nothing was wrong. I was used to hiding my pain, internalizing all of my anguish. I would do this for years to come.  They would pry quite a bit about my home life, I think they were trying to find a way to connect with me or maybe they were just trying to satisfy

Trapped!

    I am sitting in the living room. I can see a small cockroach crawling across the end table. I watch its antennae move back and forth, examining every object and surface it’s comes in contact with. I see them all over the place. I have learned to sleep with the covers over my head to prevent a cockroach fro m crawling inside of my ear. Sometimes, if there is a cluster of them, you can hear them scurrying around in the darkness. There are so many of them, and they are everywhere. I see them mostly in the kitchen and the living room. Maybe it’s because they are the most frequented areas of the house. A lot of times, whe n you are cooking, you have to carefully examine your food before eating it, there might be a dead cockroach hiding in your rice or mashed potatoes. We are ate a lot of rice, potatoes, spaghetti, ramen noodles, and powdered milk. My dad’s only source of income was from disability, and there were 6 kids still living at home. Of course, his money was well spent on beer a

Impending Freedom

  The Enormity of the Openness It is the middle of the night, and I am in complete darkness. I avoid turning on the lights, I want to be like a shadow in the night, completely hidden and unseen. I barely slept tonight, in eager anticipation of impending freedom. As I walk through the kitchen I can feel my heart beating vigorously, pounding like the rain pouring on a tin roof, my blood pressure rapidly increasing with every step. The room is spinning, swirling around me as if I’m on a never ending carousal. I feel dizzy and lightheaded but I know I need to keep moving. I try and regain my focus and begin to creep slowly towards the door. I can feel my toes starting to go numb and my legs feel heavier and heavier with every step. The floor boards creek beneath my feet, the sound seemingly echoing  throughout the room. I can see the door handle. Bag in hand, I’m ready to go. I quietly unlock the door and gently turn the knob. I pull the door open a little bit at a time, I don’t want anyon